Tired…

18 Mar

em>She says she’s tired of pretty boys with fake eyes, bow ties and ugly personalities.

She says she’s tired of buff boys who cook meals, and never offer her anything.

She’s tired of girls who say “big is beautiful” yet constantly are starving to lose weight.

She says she’s tired of sarcastic girls who talk as if their lives of privileges are full of angst and suffering.

She says she is tired of silly girls who voted but only because they think Obama is cute.

She says she’s tired of crass girls who never use the wrong fork while cursing at the dinner table.

She says she’s tired of unaware elitists who protest the atrocities in Burma, but cannot find Myanmar on a map.

She says she’s tired of vain girls who are constantly in the mirror putting themselves down to incite compliments.

She says she’s tired of selfish girls who are only generous with ridicule, snide remarks and hurtful gossip.

She says she’s tired of judgmental girls who pick at every little thing she wears, says and does.

She says she is tired of boys who swear they are men.

She’s tired of girls unready to be women.

She’s tired of being tired.

So she sleeps. She sleeps only to wake up and be tired again.

A Dialogue

18 Mar

“So what do you call it again?”

“Transference. Taking the feelings or love for one and transferring them to a person you deem ‘safe’.”

“Safe? Why would I think she was safe?”

“Because you know she is desperate. Just experienced lost, with a history of losing those she loves. You told me yourself she often says ‘life is short’ and such.:”

“Why would I do that? I don’t need someone who is desperate.”

“No you don’t. I am not saying you need this relationship, I am saying you are drawn to it because it is safe. In your last relationship things were not certain.”

“No they were not. That relationship was a farce.”

“Do you really think it was a farce? Were your feelings and the other persons feelings fake?”

“Well, no. But everything else was. Just a whole bunch of lies.”

“Perhaps, but let’s be honest. You told lies and kept secrets. Even here you keep secrets from me when the whole purpose is to share.”

“So are you telling me now I am a liar!”

“Do you think you are a liar?”

“Don’t do that. Answer a question with a question bullshit on me. Do you think I am a liar?”

“Everyone lies. The real question is why did you lie then?”

The Favor

2 Sep

While traveling to the West Coast for Comic Con Int’l in San Diego, I decided to spend some time with one of my best friends who lives in LA. So I fly into LAX, grab a rental vehicle with plans to drive to SD early the next morning. She works at night so I ended up spending the night at her place alone for my quick overnight stint.

I get off the elevator and walking to her apartment, when I see an very old gentleman in an electric wheelchair sitting in his doorway. He says “Ma’am, how would you like to make five dollars? I need someone to go to Rite-Aid for me.” I brush him off mumbling something incoherent and continue to the apt. Once inside in no more than three minutes the Good Samaritan in me kicks in, and I go back out to see if the man is here there and still wanting help.

Just as I turn the corner to see him, I also see several people turn him down. I walk up to him and say “What do you need from Rite-Aid darling?” He hands me a twenty, asks for cigarettes, a large two liter cola and reminds me to keep five dollars for myself. I saw the Rite-Aid on the corner as I pulled up to the building so I know exactly where to go. As I exit the build the drama begins.

First thing I see is a couple who past me quickly heading in the same direction I am going. Even though it’s dark I notice the the man has on very shiny, pink lipgloss and Marilyn Monroe eyebrows. Seeing this for some reason made me examine his date. She was a beautiful with long black hair, huge boobs, a shelf butt, long, very toned legs and was a man.

All three of us walk into Rite-Aid and go out separate ways. I wonder around trying to find items I need as well, as what the older gentleman asked me to purchase him. In the beverage aisle I see the transgender woman again looking for something just a few seconds later another man walks into the aisle with us and sees her, and makes a beeline straight to her with his best pick up game. I didn’t really hear exactly what he said at first, but as she avoided contact and shook her head it was obvious she rejected him. He then gets upset, and in true dumbass fashion yells at her, and calls her and ugly bitch. He then sees me and says “This woman right her ain’t even dressed up like that and she looks way better than you.” I couldn’t help but laugh like a lot.

He sees me laughing and says “Oh you think that’s funny? You probably stuck up too.”

“Um the fact that you probably still don’t know that’s a man. Yes. That’s funny.” His face went blank as the shock hit him. He became even more upset, which only made me laugh even more. For the next minute or so he kept asking me “That’s a man for real? Are you sure?” I assured him I can almost always spot a transgender woman, and this time I was for sure.”

I guess he thought this episode was a bonding moment for us, because when he saw me later he asked my name, where I was from, and if I was part Chinese. I did my best to be polite, but as did the first woman, I avoided eye contact when answering his question. However, my attempt to not look him in the face did not keep me from seeing he had no incisors (top or bottom) and a face riddled by years of poor healthcare and alcoholism. He even asked me where I lived. I responded “The East Coast.” But that answer wasn’t good enough as he asked where I was staying while in LA. I told him next door. Well, wouldn’t you know he lived there too. He grinned wide, told me his apartment number and extended an invitation for me to stop by “anytime [my] little sweet and sexy self desires.” I never took him up on his invite.

That was Day 1 in LA.

A Dialogue

20 Feb

“Why are some people so mean?”

“I don’t know sugar. It’s complicated. Very complicated.”

“I’m never mean. I try to be nice. Mommy said I should be nice.”

“Honey, sometimes when people are hurt, or jealous or simply just don’t really like themselves they are mean to other people.”

“They should pray about it. Prayer helps me.”

“That’s good. What do you pray about?”

“I pray that mommy and daddy and my brothers and sister are safe. I pray for you too. I know you get sad sometimes. I pray that you’re not so sad.”

“What makes you think I’m sad honey.”

“I can tell. You hug me more. You get quiet. Your eyes don’t dance.”

“Oh…”

“It’s okay. I get sad sometimes too. I Skype you when I’m sad. You make me happy.”

“Oh honey, that’s beautiful. How did you get to be so great?”

“I don’t know. I just try to be like you and mommy.”

“I am trying to be like you munchkin. I want to be like you.”

A Dialogue

19 Feb

“So why don’t you just tell her how you feel?”

“It’s too soon. It’s only been a few weeks.”

“Too soon? Don’t think that way.”

“I mean look at her. She’s young and beautiful. I’m lucky she even gave me a second look. I don’t want to seem desperate.”

“It’s never desperate to tell someone how you feel.”

“I guess you’re right. But what if she doesn’t feel the same way.”

“You’ll never know until you tell her how you feel.”

“You’re right. You’re right. I’ll talk to her. “

She’s Tired

19 Feb

She says she’s tired of pretty boys with fake eyes, bow ties and ugly personalities.

She says she’s tired of buff boys who cooks meals, and never offer her anything.

She’s tired of girls who say “big is beautiful” yet constantly are trying to lose weight.

She says he’s tired of sarcastic girls who talk as if their lives of privileges are full of angst and suffering.

She says he is tired of silly girls who voted but only because they think Obama is cute.

She says he’s tired of crass girls who never use the wrong fork while cursing at the dinner table.

She says he’s tired of unaware girls who protest the atrocities in Burma, but cannot find Myanmar on a map.

She says he’s tired of vain girls who are constantly in the mirror putting themselves down to incite compliments.

She says he’s tired of selfish girls who are only generous with ridicule, snide remarks and hurtful gossip.

She says she’s tired of judgmental girls who pick at every little thing she wears, says and does.

She says she is tired of boys who swear they are men.

She’s tired of girls unready to be women.

She’s tired of being tired.

So she sleeps. She sleeps on to wake up and be tired again.

A Dialogue

19 Feb

“I know what happened. I know what you said and did.”

“Oh it was just a joke. Please.”

“So what then? Is there a problem here?”

“Well, as a matter of fact I think you’re all wrong for him.”

“That’s not really your call.”

“I’ve known him a lot longer and better than you do.”

“That might be true, but I don’t think you know everything about him.”

“Listen, he’s one of the good guys and deserves better than you.”

“Are you trying to save him from me or save him for yourself.”

“Whatever! That’s not it at all.”

“Oh no. I see the way you always play the victim around him.”

“Do I? You’re the one playing. We all know who you really are.”

” And who is that?”

“A self centered bitch. I won’t rest until I get you away from him.”

“I think you’re out of line.”

“And you’re out of time.”

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